The Kalyaṇa Mitta (spiritual friends) network was created to serve Dharma students interested in having on-going support with their practice. For most Saṇgha members, teacher contact is limited to retreat. Although there are sitting groups throughout the world, these larger gatherings often focus on sharing silent meditation and listening to talks. Sitting groups that are teacher-led often don't provide the opportunity for students to personally share issues they are working on in their own practice. The KM network addresses that need.

Kalyaṇa Mitta is a Pāli term which means "spiritual friend." Often used to describe someone in the teacher role, it can refer to anyone on the path of the Dharma who is a guide, support, or merely a wise friend and co-traveler. A study group usually consists of 5-12 members, making it possible for Sangha bonds to grow strong as well as providing an intimate enough setting for true exploration of Dharma topics. This deepens the development of daily life as practice.

One key guideline for the study groups is that they are run by pairs of facilitators. This minimizes the projections, both positive and negative, by the other group members, as well as the positive and negative identifications of the persons leading the group. It also takes the pressure off one person to solely create a safe and rich space for discussion. When two people who enjoy talking about the Dharma are co-facilitators their enthusiasm becomes contagious to the rest of the group.

Some groups have a particular focus (such as right speech, relationships, text study, or compassionate action), while others more generally address how to keep practice alive and fresh in one's daily life. Each group seems to develop its own identity and style. When the two leaders first decide to form a group, the clearer they are on the areas they would like to explore, the more potential participants will know if they share those same Dharma interests. If the leaders prefer to let the group develop in a more organic way, at the first meeting it will be important for everyone to say why they joined, what they hope the group focuses on, and what they hope to get out of participating.

The facilitators should decide what level of participants' experience they feel comfortable with. A peer group is more comfortable for some leaders while others with extensive experience might find organizing a group for newer students is more appropriate, realistic, or practical. The discrepancy between experience of facilitators and participants will have a real effect on the feel of the group and the responsibilities of the leaders. The leaders can establish their own guidelines when forming the group. For instance, participants in some experienced groups are required to have sat two retreats or have a regular sitting practice for at least two years. Other groups have formed to meet the needs of people who have recently discovered the practice.

Groups vary greatly in how often they meet. Some meet weekly, some every two weeks, some monthly. See what works for you in a way that will best provide continuity while not feeling like a burden of "one more thing to do." Ideally this should be a nourishing activity for the leaders. In fact, the facilitators of the successful groups often say they get at least as much as, if not more than, the other members.

Commitment to attend the meetings is a significant factor in the group's success. After the initial meeting, if a member decides to participate, it is recommended that for an agreed upon time frame, such as three or six months, they commit to attend every meeting unless business, travel or unforeseen circumstances make attending impossible. At the end of that time, the members can reevaluate their commitment and assess whether the group itself should continue.

The format will be influenced by how long each meeting will be. Groups generally meet for 2-3 hours. It is strongly encouraged that each meeting start with silent meditation. That should be followed with a personal check-in by each member. The check-in is a skillful way for each person to feel a connection to the group. The time spent on check-in varies greatly. The group can decide how much time it wants to spend on this part and how in depth the sharing is. Facilitators remind members of how long each person takes for their sharing, particularly if the check-ins are becoming too drawn out.

After the check-in, the discussion topic or body of the meeting can take place. This might be sharing reflections on an article or book chapter everyone has read or some issue that the members have been consciously looking at since the last meeting. It's helpful for everyone to have a sense of how long the discussion will be.

After the main discussion a very important part of the gathering will be taking some "process time" for members to express how the meeting was for them. Often this will just be for five or ten minutes, sometimes longer. It gives a chance for each person to give feedback about what is or isn't working for them in the group. That way everyone can benefit from individual observations and see if anything would be useful to keep in mind to make the group stronger, rather than leaving the meeting feeling disconnected from the group. The process time can be a particularly rich practice exercise in using right speech. Saying what's truthful and useful, without blame, can make for a deeper sense of honesty and mutual commitment to waking up.

Finally, a short meditation, chanting, or lovingkindness can bring a sense of closure to the meeting.

These classic Dharma books are a great place to start if your KM group wants to read together, or to suggest to anyone who wants to know the basics of Insight Meditation and Buddhism.

• The Experience of Insight, Joseph Goldstein
• A Path With Heart, Jack Kornfield
• Seeking the Heart of Wisdom, Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield
• Insight Meditation, Joseph Goldstein
• After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, Jack Kornfield
• Loving-Kindness, Sharon Salzberg
• Faith, Sharon Salzberg
• Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach
• It's Easier Than You Think, Sylvia Boorstein
• Awakening the Buddha Within, Lama Surya Das
• The Teachings of the Buddha, ed. by Jack Kornfield
• The Heart of Buddhist Meditation, Nyanaponika Thera
• Emotional Alchemy, Tara Bennett-Goleman (mindfulness with emotions)
• Wherever You Go, There You Are, Jon Kabat-Zinn
• Everyday Blessings, Jon Kabat-Zinn (mindful parenting)
• The Beginner’s Guide to Insight Meditation, Arinna Weisman
• The Engaged Buddhist Reader, Parallax Press (anthology of engaged Buddhism)
• World as Lover, World as Self, Joanna Macy (ecology)
• Dharma Gaia: A Harvest of Essays in Buddhism & Ecology, Alan Hunt Badiner

One of the most important aspects of the group is to nurture our Dharma practice in an ongoing way. If the members are only looking at their practice during the group meetings, that becomes a very limited source of enrichment. It would reinforce the sense of separation between formal practice and daily life rather than moving toward the integration of the two. What happens between meetings is as significant as at the meetings. That is why it's important for members to be looking at/working with some Dharma issue that has come out of the group discussion.

Right speech, working with anger, attachment or other emotions, looking at intentions—whatever the group is focusing on comes alive through a commitment to explore patterns in our daily life. This then becomes a starting off point for discussion at the next meeting. Having some accountability to the group makes the investigation more a conscious part of one's day. Also, in the sharing each participant benefits from the discoveries of all the members.

The primary responsibility of the facilitators is to create the optimum space for rich Dharma discussion to take place. A major factor toward that end is a feeling of safety for all. Rules about confidentiality, when the sharing is personal, should be agreed on.

Another aspect of safety is monitoring the energy of the group and flow of discussion. People vary greatly in their ease of speaking to a group. Some are shy, others extroverted. Making sure that everyone has a chance to be heard and that a few people do not dominate is essential to healthy group dynamics. The facilitators must be willing to take a more directive role when that is called for (e.g. someone is too controlling or the group is getting side-tracked). Some groups have even used a "talking stick" which is held by the current speaker. If there is a sense that the vitality and commitment of the group members is waning then that needs to be addressed.

Some groups emphasize personal sharing in which there is a great sense of trust and intimacy that has developed between the participants. Other groups prefer to not get too personal as this can become the focus more than Dharma discussions. The clearer the leaders and members are on the right balance between personal and general discussion, the better the group will be.

The facilitators will find that getting together, in person or by phone, right after or soon after the meeting will be very useful in helping each other develop their skills and learning what will be most valuable to strengthen the process.

Finally, the facilitators should consider themselves and the group part of a larger network of spiritual friends. It can be helpful to have support or guidance from a Dharma teacher they trust while their group is developing. Toward that end it would be good if the leaders establish contact with a teacher to check-in from time to time. If you do not have a relationship with a teacher in the Insight community, let us know and we may be able to connect you with one, though this is not always possible.

Please keep us informed of the status of your group at least once every six months. If your group ends please let us know that as well. If you want your group to be listed on this page, email us here.

Spirit Rock teacher James Baraz is our Kalyāṇa Mitta program faculty support. Here are several talks given by James on starting, running, and getting the most out of KM groups. And here are talks from the 2012 KM workshop with Daniel Bowling and Dana Curtis.

• Find group members through personal connections, local Sanghas, and outreach. Be proactive. Post notices at colleges, coffee shops, Yoga studios, gyms, community markets. Posting at places you frequent is a good way to find likeminded people to join your group.
• Call each potential member for a short chat. Learn who your prospective members are and scope out potential co-facilitators if you need one.
• Make sure everyone reads the Kalyana Mitta Guidelines (above) and can commit to them before joining the group.
• Go over the Guidelines and highlight key points at the first meeting.
• Give people tips about practicing wise speech in meetings, such as Gregory Kramer’s article about Insight Dialogue.
• Collect photos of members with a few sentences about each person and distribute them to the other members of the group. It helps link names, faces, backgrounds, and can also be used (with permission) for orientation when a new member checks out or joins the group.
  
• Adopt a Confidentiality Agreement that members feel comfortable with.
• Save time at the end of each meeting for processing. Facilitators can model how to do this for beginning practitioners—people are often reluctant to speak up when something is bothering them and they need support.
  
• New members will want to try out the group once or twice to see if it feels like a fit for them. After attending two sessions (or whatever number feels appropriate for your group) ask the new member to make a 6 month commitment to attending as regularly as possible.

• Help members learn how to support one another from a Dharma perspective. Often people come to these groups looking for spiritual friendship, but they don’t know how to create it, or they have an unrealistic vision of what this is.
• Practice speaking/acting honestly with wisdom, compassion and acceptance. Avoid criticism.
• Mindfully and kindly enforce the Guidelines and your confidentiality agreement.
• Model wise speech.
• Keep meetings punctual and regularly scheduled so a rhythm develops.
• Guide members who are learning how to process issues that come up in the meetings.
• The facilitator’s job is to create a safe space for people to hear their own wisdom, not to teach.
• Distribute organizational and leadership responsibilities among members as much as possible if it’s a peer-led group—this creates buy-in and opportunities to practice in different ways.
• Encourage members to bring concerns to the whole group rather than talking about them outside the group.
• The facilitator is responsible for the whole group; don’t take sides.
• Ask members to reexamine their commitment and intentions towards the group and recommit at regular intervals.

• Keep bringing the focus back to the Dharma. It’s easy for members to fall into old habits of group interaction, especially when stressed.
• If members are forgetting or disregarding group agreements:
  • Post a short list of key Guidelines and confidentiality agreements at the meetings where everyone can see them.
  • Talk to problematic people individually.
  • Ask a member to reexamine their intentions and commitment to this group.
• Ask the whole group to reexamine their intentions and commitment to the group and do a re-commitment if they can do so whole-heartedly.
• Set time limits on individual sharing so no one dominates the discussion and signal “over-time” when people run over.
• Speak to members individually if they’ve got problems with the group that don’t get resolved in meetings and decide if the facilitator needs to take a more active role.
• Remember the facilitator is responsible for the whole group. If the group isn’t working out for someone (or they’re not working out for the rest of the group), don’t be afraid to tell them it’s not a match.
• Exercise compassion for yourself as a Facilitator—there are times when group members are hurt, delusional, or in need of support beyond the scope of the group and painful decisions must be made about people who look to the group for unconditional acceptance. Equanimity is key.
• Ask for support from the KM coordinators when needed.

This KM group is primarily to support new parents, but we warmly welcome parents of children of all ages. The group currently takes place via Zoom but will resume in person meetings (while continuing to support those who are remote) once pandemic safety concerns have lessened. At that time some childcare for mobile babies, toddlers and young children can be available with advance notice. Babes in arms will be welcome as well. Our emphasis is on the chance to sit in community, amidst the sometimes noisy and disruptive reality of parenting. We will meditate and then connect a bit afterwards. There will be time for discussion around how to practice Insight Meditation and also what comes up within the experience of that practice. Mindful parenting readings and discussion may be included. This group is a drop-in, although we are looking forward to building a warm and supportive sangha based on regular attendance and an ongoing commitment to our group. We meet on Thursday mornings via Zoom from 11:00-12:15. Contact Sasha at [email protected].

We meet on the second Tuesday of the month from 7:00-9:00pm in the Outer Sunset District in San Francisco. We're looking forward to having new members join us who are compatible and would like to make an ongoing commitment to our group. In our group, we read “popular and accessible” Buddhist books together, discuss them, meditate and have snacks and tea. It’s a lovely group of people. Unlike other groups, this group is not a drop in. An interview is required. This group is temporarily closed. If you would like to be contacted when we have an opening, please contact Michael at (415) 820-3943 or [email protected].

Saturday Night Sangha meets every Saturday from 6:00 - 7:30pm at 1840 Alcatraz Ave. Berkeley, CA 94703. 40-minute meditation, a brief check-in, short talk and peer-facilitated discussion on various topics. We usually go out to dinner afterwards. We are a long-established sangha since 2008 with great diversity in age, ethnicity and spiritual backgrounds. We welcome new members to join our group. You can just show up and sit with us. There is no need to contact us beforehand. Everyone is welcome. Please visit us on Facebook for more information - https://www.facebook.com/sat.night.sangha.

Women’s group for experienced practitioners who have been on at least one 5-7 day retreat. Meet the second and fourth Monday of the month from 7:00 - 9:00pm. Meditate for 30 minutes, check-in briefly, read aloud and discuss a book, and set intentions for coming two weeks. Rotate meeting place among our homes and rotate facilitation. Our focus is applying the Dharma in our daily lives. Open for new members. Contact Bonnie Maeda [email protected] 510-507-1982.

A spiritual community committed to environmental action. We meet to meditate, educate and support each other, and to plan direct environmental actions. Meetings held on Sundays, in San Francisco, Marin, Sebastopol and the East Bay. If you'd like to host a retreat in your town, please call. Contact (510) 532-6574 for more information as retreat hosts will vary from time to time.

Group meets 4th Monday of the month from 1:15 - 3:15 pm. Meditation and discussion of Dharma books chosen by members and read across several months. Open to experienced meditators who have a daily practice, or the intention to develop one, and who have attended two or more retreats. Contact Giedra at [email protected] or (510) 508-2680. Group is currently full.

3rd Sunday of the Month - 10:00-11:30 This peer-led group has a monthly topic to reflect on which we use in our discussion. We welcome experienced meditators. We currently have openings. This is not a drop-in group. You are invited to contact Maryann Marks at [email protected] Format is as follows: 10-10:30 meditation; short break; 10:45- 11:30am peer discussion group.

The vision for this gathering is to form a supportive community of Buddhist practitioners who want to inquire, investigate and discuss practice with like minded folks in an ongoing and committed way. We meet in a lovely quiet space at 875 4th St. in downtown San Rafael, above the Sacred Tibet Shop, at 7-9pm every Tuesday. We sit for 25 minutes, walking meditation for 5 minutes and then have group discussion on the reading material for the week that has been posted on the website. Join us! http://www.openeyemeditationgroup.org/.

LGBT group Sundays from 10am-12pm in my home. During our meetings we will have a 20-30 minute peer led meditation, a check-in and a Dharma centered reading agreed upon by the group. There will also be an option to share food, socialize and get to know one another as a small spiritual community. Please email Cynthia at [email protected] for the address as well as any questions you may have. Thanks for your interest!

Sebastopol – Our small peer-facilitated group meets one Sunday per month from 5:15-8:00pm. We follow the process of Dharma Contemplation, developed by Gregory Kramer as part of the Insight Dialogue program. It is a way of coming together and deeply reflecting on a passage of the Buddha’s words from the Suttas (discourses). We meditate for 15 minutes before and after the process, and do a brief personal check-in at the end. Contact Beverly at [email protected] or call (707) 481-2686. Website: sebastopolkm.org

We are a supportive peer-led group that meets two Monday evenings a month starting at 6:15 PM. We begin with a 30-minute sit, check-in related to the practice of Buddhist teachings in our personal lives, followed by a heartfelt and thoughtful discussion exploring how these teachings and practices inform and transform our lives. We conclude with a metta meditation and wrap up around 8:15 PM. For information, please get in touch with Maryann Marks at [email protected].

Delia McGrath and Philippa Bornstein are co-leaders of a group which meets Tuesday nights from 7:15 to 8:45pm. The first portion of our meeting is devoted to sitting meditation. Then Delia or Philippa give a short talk on an aspect of the Dharma, followed by discussion and sharing. We end with a dedication of merit. We are open to new members. Contact Delia at 650-359-0339 or [email protected]. Contact Philippa at 650-200-7387 or [email protected].

This group meets every-other Saturday 9:30 – 11:00 AM at a home in Watsonville. There is a 45 minute meditation followed by a discussion. The discussion topic will be suggested and agreed-upon at the previous meeting. This group is led by Chris Basiletti, a teacher in training at Insight Santa Cruz. If you are interested, please contact Chris at (831) 763-7617.

Group Meditation and Study circle to practice, support, inspire and read Buddhist teachings in Suttas and books selected by common agreement. Meets weekly on Friday evenings. For people with some Vipassana meditation experience who have a daily practice or intent to form one. Peer facilitation. Format: Vegetarian dinner offered twice a month, Chanting 30 mins(optional), Sit for 30 minutes; Reading, check-ins about practice and circle of sharing and growing in the reading.The intention is to meet for about six months and then evaluate. For more information, please contact Aditie - email: [email protected].

Our group meets every other Wednesday from 7-9pm. Our goal is to deepen our meditation practice and provide a supportive environment for spiritual growth. We are an eclectic group. We sit for 45 minutes, check in about how our practice is going, and then discuss the book we are currently reading. We have an emphasis on how our practice and the readings integrate into our daily life. Contact Len Wolff, (707) 845-3395 or [email protected].

Thursdays, 7-9 pm. 40 minute sitting, tea, personal check-in, and discussion of an agreed upon non-scholarly dharma book. Reading and discussion is on integration of daily life with one's practice and Buddhist principles. One's Intention is more important than length of one's personal meditation practice. Contact Nancie Brown Ferguson (530) 898-9139 or [email protected].

We've been meeting monthly for 15+ years. We require a daily practice and three 1-day retreats per year.
Contact Tony & Toni Bernhard at (530) 758-2904 or [email protected] This group is currently full.

This new Kalyana Mitta group meets on the 1st, 3rd and sometimes 5th Sunday of the month from 3 to 5pm at Yoga Core Fit, 187 Butcher Road, Vacaville, CA and is committed to nurturing the practice of beginners to vipassana meditation (Aren't we all beginners?) as well as enriching the practice for those more experienced with the dharma. There are periods of sitting and walking meditation with time for dharma discussion and sharing. For more information or interest in attending the group, please contact Tina Clay at [email protected].

For the beginner as well as those with more experience. The group meets every Tuesday at 6:30pm.
Contact Will Lister at [email protected] or (530)306-7264 or visit our website mettameditationgroup.com.

This group meets every Monday 6:30 – 8:00 PM formerly at the Tai Chi Center in the Tower District, currently on ZOOM. There is a 30 minute meditation followed by a topic speaker, and discussion. The speakers are those who've been meditating regularly 3 years or more, and have been engaged with a teacher or teachers, and attended retreats annually. This group is led by Cherie McCarthy, LMFT, working with teachers since 2017, and Nancy Bienville, working with teachers since 2012, both are in training with Sean Fargo at Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training online. If you are interested, please contact Nancy to schedule a brief orientation at (559) 970-1731.

For the beginner as well as those with more experience. The group meets every Thursday at 6:30pm.
Contact Will Lister at [email protected] or (530)306-7264 or visit our website mettameditationgroup.com.

Dharma Study, Sundays from 8-10 AM. We have been sitting as a group since 2002. This is a user-friendly group for beginners to advanced. A Dharma Talk with questions and answers, then sitting. We guide you in your practice to become free, liberated and live with ease. We end in Metta. Contact Wayne Champa at (949) 581-3459 or [email protected].

Changing Dharma topics, starting 2014 with Jack Kornfield's book A Path with Heart. El Segundo, every Friday evening from 7:30-9pm. Contact Ben Brown at (310) 392-6235.

Changing Dharma topics , Mondays, 7:30-9pm. Contact Michael Shiffman at (310) 226-6113.

First Parish Unitarian Universalist Church, Tuesday evenings, 7:30-9:30pm. Contact: Timothy Little ([email protected] or (978) 937-5652). Other facilitators: Carrie Little ([email protected]) and Brenda Rogers ([email protected]). Website: kalyanamittasangha.wordpress.com.

Several peer-led groups have recently formed in the St. Louis area and more are forming soon. For more information contact Jan Rosamond at (314) 210-8820 or [email protected] or check the DharmaTown website at dharmatown.org/km-condos/.

Insight Meditation Charlotte, a weekly group with seasoned students meets Wednesdays with 7 pm meditation instruction; 7:30 pm meditation and talk. Contact Joy LiBethe at (704) 544-0003 or [email protected].

Mindful Members brings together new and seasoned members in a friendly and supportive environment. We practice insight meditation and apply mindfulness to daily life. Each meeting includes meditation instructions, silent meditation, reflections offered by Ruth King, and Q&A. We meet monthly on Thursdays at a private residence in the South Park area of Charlotte from 6:45-8:30 PM. Contact Ruth King, (510) 333-9255, [email protected], or visit www.ruthking.net for details.

This is an open group that meets every Monday evening from 7:00 – 9:00pm for meditation, a reading and a discussion of how the dharma relates to our current lives. We have been meeting for fifteen years. Most of us consider our main teachers to be at Spirit Rock but there is no teacher for this group. We call ourselves Club Med. It's a group with a sense of humor. Contact Ann Strauss: [email protected] or 541-482-9201.

Daily Practice, meets twice monthly. Sitting group meets every Monday from 7:30- 9:00pm. Contact Nan LeRoy at (503) 230-0665 or [email protected].

"Buddhist Book Club" meets the 1st and and 3rd Sundays of the month from 5:30 - 7:00pm at the Atlan Center. We share our practice, sit for 30 minutes and discuss a reading. We usually have a potluck afterwards. We meet in a big yurt, or on nice evenings we sometimes meet outside on a beautiful covered deck overlooking the Columbia Gorge. We are currently an open group with no commitment required, although we are hoping for more regular members. Contact Scott Cushman at 925 708-5652 or [email protected].

Kalyana Mitta Book Group on Thursday Evenings . 6:00-7:00pm (every other week) beginning April 27, 2022 at the East Greenwich Free Library, 82 Peirce Street, East Greenwich, RI. The goal of this study group is to provide a setting for the exploration of mindfulness meditation topics and for the deepening development of mindfulness as a way of being in the world with wisdom and compassion. The one-hour Thursday evening meetings will include short meditation exercises and a facilitated discussion of selected texts. Ideally, before and after the session there will also be an opportunity to share tea, socialize and get to know one another as a small, spiritual community. No meditation experience needed; however, a commitment to reading the texts and attending the meetings is a significant factor in the group's success. Kalyana Mitta Book Group supports and supplements the Still Together Mindfulness Meditation Group, which meets in-person at Warwick Center for the Arts, 3259 Post Road, Warwick, RI, and virtually, on Mondays 6:30-7:30pm. Contact: [email protected].

We meet two Thursdays a month (in Spanish), in the beginning online because of the COVID-19, but soon we´ll meet in a place in Vitoria-Gasteiz, in the North of Spain. The aim of the group is to support each person into the practice of meditation and the knowledge of the Dharma, in addition to the development of the Mindfulness. We believe that the group can be a very important help for each one of the members, and a good place to feel the interconnection. We´re going to start with Tara Brach´s book "Radical Acceptance." Please contact Álvaro Ruiz de Ocenda [email protected] for more information.