The Kalyaṇa Mitta (spiritual friends) network was created to serve Dharma students interested in having on-going support with their practice. For most Saṇgha members, teacher contact is limited to retreat. Although there are sitting groups throughout the world, these larger gatherings often focus on sharing silent meditation and listening to talks. Sitting groups that are teacher-led often don't provide the opportunity for students to personally share issues they are working on in their own practice. The KM network addresses that need.

Kalyaṇa Mitta is a Pāli term which means "spiritual friend." Often used to describe someone in the teacher role, it can refer to anyone on the path of the Dharma who is a guide, support, or merely a wise friend and co-traveler. A study group usually consists of 5-12 members, making it possible for Saṅgha bonds to grow strong as well as providing an intimate enough setting for true exploration of Dharma topics. This deepens the development of daily life as practice.

One key guideline for the study groups is that they are run by pairs of facilitators. This minimizes the projections, both positive and negative, by the other group members, as well as the positive and negative identifications of the persons leading the group. It also takes the pressure off one person to solely create a safe and rich space for discussion. When two people who enjoy talking about the Dharma are co-facilitators their enthusiasm becomes contagious to the rest of the group.

Some groups have a particular focus (such as right speech, relationships, text study, or compassionate action), while others more generally address how to keep practice alive and fresh in one's daily life. Each group seems to develop its own identity and style. When the two leaders first decide to form a group, the clearer they are on the areas they would like to explore, the more potential participants will know if they share those same Dharma interests. If the leaders prefer to let the group develop in a more organic way, at the first meeting it will be important for everyone to say why they joined, what they hope the group focuses on, and what they hope to get out of participating.

The facilitators should decide what level of participants' experience they feel comfortable with. A peer group is more comfortable for some leaders while others with extensive experience might find organizing a group for newer students is more appropriate, realistic, or practical. The discrepancy between experience of facilitators and participants will have a real effect on the feel of the group and the responsibilities of the leaders. The leaders can establish their own guidelines when forming the group. For instance, participants in some experienced groups are required to have sat two retreats or have a regular sitting practice for at least two years. Other groups have formed to meet the needs of people who have recently discovered the practice.

Groups vary greatly in how often they meet. Some meet weekly, some every two weeks, some monthly. See what works for you in a way that will best provide continuity while not feeling like a burden of "one more thing to do." Ideally this should be a nourishing activity for the leaders. In fact, the facilitators of the successful groups often say they get at least as much as, if not more than, the other members.

Commitment to attend the meetings is a significant factor in the group's success. After the initial meeting, if a member decides to participate, it is recommended that for an agreed upon time frame, such as three or six months, they commit to attend every meeting unless business, travel or unforeseen circumstances make attending impossible. At the end of that time, the members can reevaluate their commitment and assess whether the group itself should continue.

The format will be influenced by how long each meeting will be. Groups generally meet for 2-3 hours. It is strongly encouraged that each meeting start with silent meditation. That should be followed with a personal check-in by each member. The check-in is a skillful way for each person to feel a connection to the group. The time spent on check-in varies greatly. The group can decide how much time it wants to spend on this part and how in depth the sharing is. Facilitators remind members of how long each person takes for their sharing, particularly if the check-ins are becoming too drawn out.

After the check-in, the discussion topic or body of the meeting can take place. This might be sharing reflections on an article or book chapter everyone has read or some issue that the members have been consciously looking at since the last meeting. It's helpful for everyone to have a sense of how long the discussion will be.

After the main discussion a very important part of the gathering will be taking some "process time" for members to express how the meeting was for them. Often this will just be for five or ten minutes, sometimes longer. It gives a chance for each person to give feedback about what is or isn't working for them in the group. That way everyone can benefit from individual observations and see if anything would be useful to keep in mind to make the group stronger, rather than leaving the meeting feeling disconnected from the group. The process time can be a particularly rich practice exercise in using right speech. Saying what's truthful and useful, without blame, can make for a deeper sense of honesty and mutual commitment to waking up.

Finally, a short meditation, chanting, or lovingkindness can bring a sense of closure to the meeting.

These classic Dharma books are a great place to start if your KM group wants to read together, or to suggest to anyone who wants to know the basics of Insight Meditation and Buddhism.

• The Experience of Insight, Joseph Goldstein
• A Path With Heart, Jack Kornfield
• Seeking the Heart of Wisdom, Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield
• Insight Meditation, Joseph Goldstein
• After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, Jack Kornfield
• Loving-Kindness, Sharon Salzberg
• Faith, Sharon Salzberg
• Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach
• It's Easier Than You Think, Sylvia Boorstein
• Awakening the Buddha Within, Lama Surya Das
• The Teachings of the Buddha, ed. by Jack Kornfield
• The Heart of Buddhist Meditation, Nyanaponika Thera
• Emotional Alchemy, Tara Bennett-Goleman (mindfulness with emotions)
• Wherever You Go, There You Are, Jon Kabat-Zinn
• Everyday Blessings, Jon Kabat-Zinn (mindful parenting)
• The Beginner’s Guide to Insight Meditation, Arinna Weisman
• The Engaged Buddhist Reader, Parallax Press (anthology of engaged Buddhism)
• World as Lover, World as Self, Joanna Macy (ecology)
• Dharma Gaia: A Harvest of Essays in Buddhism & Ecology, Alan Hunt Badiner

One of the most important aspects of the group is to nurture our Dharma practice in an ongoing way. If the members are only looking at their practice during the group meetings, that becomes a very limited source of enrichment. It would reinforce the sense of separation between formal practice and daily life rather than moving toward the integration of the two. What happens between meetings is as significant as at the meetings. That is why it's important for members to be looking at/working with some Dharma issue that has come out of the group discussion.

Right speech, working with anger, attachment or other emotions, looking at intentions—whatever the group is focusing on comes alive through a commitment to explore patterns in our daily life. This then becomes a starting off point for discussion at the next meeting. Having some accountability to the group makes the investigation more a conscious part of one's day. Also, in the sharing each participant benefits from the discoveries of all the members.

The primary responsibility of the facilitators is to create the optimum space for rich Dharma discussion to take place. A major factor toward that end is a feeling of safety for all. Rules about confidentiality, when the sharing is personal, should be agreed on.

Another aspect of safety is monitoring the energy of the group and flow of discussion. People vary greatly in their ease of speaking to a group. Some are shy, others extroverted. Making sure that everyone has a chance to be heard and that a few people do not dominate is essential to healthy group dynamics. The facilitators must be willing to take a more directive role when that is called for (e.g. someone is too controlling or the group is getting side-tracked). Some groups have even used a "talking stick" which is held by the current speaker. If there is a sense that the vitality and commitment of the group members is waning then that needs to be addressed.

Some groups emphasize personal sharing in which there is a great sense of trust and intimacy that has developed between the participants. Other groups prefer to not get too personal as this can become the focus more than Dharma discussions. The clearer the leaders and members are on the right balance between personal and general discussion, the better the group will be.

The facilitators will find that getting together, in person or by phone, right after or soon after the meeting will be very useful in helping each other develop their skills and learning what will be most valuable to strengthen the process.

Finally, the facilitators should consider themselves and the group part of a larger network of spiritual friends. It can be helpful to have support or guidance from a Dharma teacher they trust while their group is developing. Toward that end it would be good if the leaders establish contact with a teacher to check-in from time to time. If you do not have a relationship with a teacher in the Insight community, let us know and we may be able to connect you with one, though this is not always possible.

Please keep us informed of the status of your group at least once every six months. If your group ends please let us know that as well. If you want your group to be listed on this page, email us here.

Spirit Rock teacher James Baraz is our Kalyāṇa Mitta program faculty support. Here are several talks given by James on starting, running, and getting the most out of KM groups. And here are talks from the 2012 KM workshop with Daniel Bowling and Dana Curtis.

• Find group members through personal connections, local Sanghas, and outreach. Be proactive. Post notices at colleges, coffee shops, Yoga studios, gyms, community markets. Posting at places you frequent is a good way to find likeminded people to join your group.
• Call each potential member for a short chat. Learn who your prospective members are and scope out potential co-facilitators if you need one.
• Make sure everyone reads the Kalyana Mitta Guidelines (above) and can commit to them before joining the group.
• Go over the Guidelines and highlight key points at the first meeting.
• Give people tips about practicing wise speech in meetings, such as Gregory Kramer’s article about Insight Dialogue.
• Collect photos of members with a few sentences about each person and distribute them to the other members of the group. It helps link names, faces, backgrounds, and can also be used (with permission) for orientation when a new member checks out or joins the group.
  
• Adopt a Confidentiality Agreement that members feel comfortable with.
• Save time at the end of each meeting for processing. Facilitators can model how to do this for beginning practitioners—people are often reluctant to speak up when something is bothering them and they need support.
  
• New members will want to try out the group once or twice to see if it feels like a fit for them. After attending two sessions (or whatever number feels appropriate for your group) ask the new member to make a 6 month commitment to attending as regularly as possible.

• Help members learn how to support one another from a Dharma perspective. Often people come to these groups looking for spiritual friendship, but they don’t know how to create it, or they have an unrealistic vision of what this is.
• Practice speaking/acting honestly with wisdom, compassion and acceptance. Avoid criticism.
• Mindfully and kindly enforce the Guidelines and your confidentiality agreement.
• Model wise speech.
• Keep meetings punctual and regularly scheduled so a rhythm develops.
• Guide members who are learning how to process issues that come up in the meetings.
• The facilitator’s job is to create a safe space for people to hear their own wisdom, not to teach.
• Distribute organizational and leadership responsibilities among members as much as possible if it’s a peer-led group—this creates buy-in and opportunities to practice in different ways.
• Encourage members to bring concerns to the whole group rather than talking about them outside the group.
• The facilitator is responsible for the whole group; don’t take sides.
• Ask members to reexamine their commitment and intentions towards the group and recommit at regular intervals.

• Keep bringing the focus back to the Dharma. It’s easy for members to fall into old habits of group interaction, especially when stressed.
• If members are forgetting or disregarding group agreements:
  • Post a short list of key Guidelines and confidentiality agreements at the meetings where everyone can see them.
  • Talk to problematic people individually.
  • Ask a member to reexamine their intentions and commitment to this group.
• Ask the whole group to reexamine their intentions and commitment to the group and do a re-commitment if they can do so whole-heartedly.
• Set time limits on individual sharing so no one dominates the discussion and signal “over-time” when people run over.
• Speak to members individually if they’ve got problems with the group that don’t get resolved in meetings and decide if the facilitator needs to take a more active role.
• Remember the facilitator is responsible for the whole group. If the group isn’t working out for someone (or they’re not working out for the rest of the group), don’t be afraid to tell them it’s not a match.
• Exercise compassion for yourself as a Facilitator—there are times when group members are hurt, delusional, or in need of support beyond the scope of the group and painful decisions must be made about people who look to the group for unconditional acceptance. Equanimity is key.
• Ask for support from the KM coordinators when needed.

Time: 3rd Sunday of the month, 10:00-11:30am

Location: Contact for address.

Description: This peer-led group has a monthly topic to reflect on which we use in our discussion. We welcome experienced meditators.This is not a drop-in group. Format is as follows: 10-10:30am meditation; short break; 10:45-11:30am peer discussion group.

Contact: Maryann Marks, [email protected]

Time: One Sunday per month, 4:30-8:00pm

Location: Contact for address

Description: Our small peer-facilitated group follows the process of Dharma Contemplation, developed by Gregory Kramer as part of the Insight Dialogue program. It is a way of coming together and deeply reflecting on a passage of the Buddha’s words from the Suttas (discourses). We meditate for 15 minutes before and after the process, followed by a brief personal check-in. We then share snack time, which is optional.

Website: www.sebastopolkm.org

Contact: Beverly McArthur, [email protected], (707) 481-2686

Time: Two Monday evenings a month, 6pm - 8pm

Location: Contact for address

Description: We are a supportive peer-led group that meets two evenings a month. We begin with a 30-minute sit, check-in related to the practice of Buddhist teachings in our personal lives, followed by a heartfelt and thoughtful discussion exploring how these teachings and practices inform and transform our lives. We conclude with a metta meditation.

Contact: Jean Rivers, [email protected]

Time: Tuesday night, 6:00-7:30 pm, and Thursday, 7:00 - 8:30pm

Location: Tuesday online. Thursday in person at Watsonville Yoga, 734 East Lake Avenue, #19, Watsonville, CA 95076.

Description: Watsonville Insight currently has two weekly meditation meetings, Tuesday night online only led by Chris Basiletti, and Thursday BIPOC and allies in person, led by Tiffany Wong or others. Both meetings are led by Community Teachers who completed the training program with Bob Stahl at Insight Santa Cruz.

Website: WatsonvilleInsight.org

Contact: Chris Basiletti, (831) 763-7617, [email protected]

Time: Weekly on Friday evenings

Location: Contact for address

Description: Group Meditation and Sutta Study circle to practice, support, inspire and read Buddhist teachings in the Suttas currently reading Majjima Nikaya. For people with some Vipassana meditation experience who have a daily practice or intent to form one. Peer facilitation. We read and meditate on a Sutta during the week. Format: Chanting 30 mins(optional), Sit for 30 minutes; Sutta contemplation, check-ins about practice and circle of sharing and growing in the reading.The intention is to meet for about six months and then evaluate.

Contact: Aditie, [email protected]

Time: 2nd and 4th Sundays, 9:00 - 11:00 am PT

Location: Online

Description: This Kalyana Mitta group is committed to nurturing the practice of vipassana meditation. The time is usually spent with silent or guided meditation, followed by dharma discussion and sharing.

Contact: Peggy Alexander, (707) 761-1545, [email protected]

Time: Tuesday evenings, 7:30-9:00pm

Location: On Zoom. See website for link.

Website: kalyanamittasangha.wordpress.com

Contact: Timothy Little, [email protected]

Time: Various

Location: Online and in-person

Description: Several peer-led groups have recently formed in the St. Louis area and more are forming soon. For more information contact Jan Rosamond or check the DharmaTown website.

Website: https://dharmatown.org/sitting-groups

Contact: Jan Rosamond, (314) 210-8820, [email protected]

Time: In-person sessions 1st & 3rd Monday, 6:30-7:30pm; Virtual sessions via Zoom 2nd, 4th, & 5th Monday, 6:30-7:30pm AND every Thursday morning - 7:30-7:50am.

Location: In person at Warwick Center for the Arts, 3259 Post Road, Warwick, Rhode Island 02895. Email for Zoom link.

Description: Still Together Mindfulness Meditation Community, Founded 2016. OUR MISSION is to develop and manifest wisdom and compassion for the benefit of all beings and the planet. Our VISION is to see all beings and the planet free from suffering and its sources and to have all beings know happiness and its sources. Always free. No meditation experience required. All welcome.

Website: https://warwickcfa.org/community-programs

Contact: [email protected]